Have you noticed how you go through a bad relationship so that you can repeat yourself in your next patterns? you are not alone.
A new study at the University of Alberta showed that people tend to rebuild many of the same patterns in their new relationships as they did in their past. Although a new relationship may look better for a while, most similar problems go back in time. But fortunately, the effort and desire to learn from the experience can help you become one of those “lucky” people who enjoy a happy and satisfying relationship.
With compassionate self-awareness (a combination of self-awareness and compassion), you can change the patterns of success – whether in the present or in the future. Looking at yourself from a compassionate perspective, you will be less defensive and open about appreciating your contribution to relationship problems – freeing you to solve them.
Trying to fully understand your involvement in relationship problems is not enough: I have a nervous problem. Or, I like people who aren’t good for me. These are a good start, but extensive observations are not enough. You have to be more specific.
You can gain fuller self-awareness by directing your attention to the 5 key areas of STEAM as shown below. (Gain Self-Awareness Through STEAM may also be helpful.)
In a calm environment, direct your attention to your body. Pay attention to any sensations in the body, such as muscle tension in the chest or tightening in the throat.
Consider the thoughts that go through your mind and the way you talk to yourself, and consider any fundamental beliefs that guide your thinking. For example, if you think you are inadequate, you may be quick to criticize yourself for any mistakes you make.
It is difficult to identify your emotions and some people gloss over their feelings using vague descriptions. For example, someone might say that they are upset – but does that mean they feel hurt, angry, jealous …? You need to be more specific to know how you really feel.
Consider your actions, including what they say about you and their impact on you. For example, you may notice how you behave when someone tells you something. This may encourage more negative self-awareness and may force others to see you as negative.
How to understand your own actions or that of another person based on thoughts, feelings, or other inner experiences.
By observing the first four areas of consciousness (STEA), you may be able to see how these aspects of your experience affect your relationships. For example, after spending the rest of her life with her partner, Jen nodded to tension. She was worried that Nicole would cheat on her, leaving her feeling jealous. As she continued to reflect, she found that she tended to avoid conflict because she feared Nicole would leave her. He also realized that he was repeating these relationships in previous relationships.
Self-understanding often helps people to empathize and sympathize with their struggles. This resolution can also open you up to a healthier, more compassionate perspective of others. In Jane’s case, her compassionate awareness enabled her to understand her struggles and effectively talk to Nicole about how to work together to help her overcome her insecurities.
By developing your compassionate self-awareness you can better understand the dynamics of your relationships – and the role in which dynamics play. Once you understand your patterns, you can make changes in yourself that allow you to build and maintain healthier relationships.